THE TERROR OF GOOD INTENTIONS

Through different ways – and experiences - I have learned to be suspicious of any gesture of good will or generosity, unless it is clear what the author of the gesture gets out of it for him (or her)self.

The first experience by which this notion grew onto me had nothing to do with interpersonal relations but with inter-state relations: one country providing development aid for the other. 

Essentially I came to believe that decades of development aid throughout the world have gone down the drain very much because the interests of the western countries involved were rarely made explicit right on the table. It is impossible to believe that western programs of development aid or development cooperation, as they were carried out in the nineteen eighties and nineties – which was when I was more closely involved - came out of pure altruism. Of course they didn’t. 

Development aid grew in an atmosphere paternalism and post-colonial guilt. Western countries solemnly committed themselves to a percentage of their national income as gift to developing countries. Huge sums of money, manpower and political debate went into the effectiveness of this aid: did it really develop these countries?

An extensive institutional infrastructure and numerous policy documents accompanied this one way traffic. Inspections were carried out, reports were written, disappointments highlighted. Corruption undermined the process in many instances, warnings could be issued, compliance – by the beneficiaries – to the rules of the game was reinforced. Sometimes the flow money was suspended. Etcetera. 

The leading morality was that of enforced gratefulness. The psychology of having to say thank you, which is the way a civil servant in one of Holland’s development countries told it to me, one day. The total subordination to the terror of good intentions, which is how I came to see it. You have be grateful for something you didn’t ask for.

Much later, I observed similar processes between people. I came to realize that we should always be suspicious of someone who professes to be good just for the sake of it. Pure altruism cannot hold. There has to be a personal interest too.

Still, there is a twist. As a rule, we hesitate to be too explicit about our personal interests. We prefer to project goodness, largely for the impression we make. It can happen at any given occasion when someone asks you: “Can I help you?”. When it happens in a shop, you immediately know that the intention (and interest) of that person is to sell something, a service or a material item. We know that “sales talk” always is double talk at the same time. We take it for granted.

But then a total stranger offers you his assistance, let’s say: to carry your bags on your way to the train. What is your immediate response? I would say, we would be suspicious initially, or at least cautious. Can we trust this person, does he want some compensation? Should we readily offer some compensation? Etc. The same applies to anyone offering financial help or some other assistance essential to you.

Perhaps we should avoid any deal – even with close friends – where there is no substantive quid pro quo. When you risk a situation where you have to show gratitude at unexpected moments. It is the beginning of our submission to something (and someone) we cannot control. 

Therefore, as a rule, we should be clear (at least to ourselves) about our interests in respect of our fellow human beings, and demand similar clarity from any other. Why do I want to help you? Well, it is because I know you will help me another time, when I need it. Or, if it is between countries: because your country will be able to produce which I need. It is only under these conditions we can avoid the psychological conundrum of having to say thank you when actually you wish you hadn’t.